Funny Quotes On Life

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Funny Quotes On Life

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Funny quotes are great for bringing a bit of humor into our lives. They help to lighten the mood, they’re excellent for breaking the ice, and of course, they’re fun to share with friends. After all, as Victor Borge once said, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”

Some of the most entertaining quotes, in our opinion, are those that are not only witty, but also wise — conveying some universal truth. Funny quotes about life, love, and friendship — those that we can relate to — are especially comical. Kurt Vonnegut once quipped, “The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.”

In this list of 100 funny quotes worth laughing over, we’ve tried to include a zinger for everyone, whether it’s an insightful quotation, a silly saying, or an ironic wisecrack.

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1QUOTE

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

 BOB MONKHOUSE

2QUOTE

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

 ELAYNE BOOSLER

3QUOTE

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

 OSCAR WILDE

4QUOTE

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

 MARK RUSSELL

5QUOTE

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

 ROBERT BLOCH

6QUOTE

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

 STEVE MARTIN

7QUOTE

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 LANA TURNER

8QUOTE

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell “BINGO!”

 ANONYMOUS

9QUOTE

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 MILES KINGTON

12QUOTE

Why do people say “no offense” right before they’re about to offend you?

 ANONYMOUS

13QUOTE

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

 DOUGLAS ADAMS

14QUOTE

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

 SOCRATES

15QUOTE

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

 EMO PHILIPS

16QUOTE

The best way to lie is to tell the truth . . . carefully edited truth.

 ANONYMOUS

17QUOTE

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

 GREG KING

18QUOTE

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

 AL MCGUIRE

19QUOTE

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

 BILLY SUNDAY

20QUOTE

Men have only two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Funny Quotes On Life

Funny Quotes On Life

Funny Quotes On Life

Funny Quotes On Life

Funny Quotes On Life

Funny Quotes On Life

Funny Quotes On Life

Funny Quotes On Life

Funny Quotes On Life

Funny Quotes On Life

Funny Quotes On Life

Quotes About Life Tumblr Lessons And Love Cover Photos Tumblr Swag Tagalog Facebook cover and Happiness and Death